Creating Apey
Self identified crazy lady in her 30's trying to create herself as she learns to live with her surroundings.
Tumblr, hmmm?
So far I can’t get the hang of this joint. I’ve only tried a few times, and I highly suspect that if I just give it a bit more of my attention I’ll figure it out, so here I am trying.
I write at various other locations, blogs, micro blogs, paper journals galore. Why this then? Why not this though? I don’t guess it matters, all in all.
Today is an interesting day for me (some would think they all are) my psychiatric medications, which I was without for over two weeks, have started to kick back in. My mind has quieted down, much to my liking. My guts are pissed off about something or another. Pretty sure my pancreas is being a cunt again. I’m ignoring it when I can and trying like hell to avoid the hospital. Who wants to stay in a hospital for 3-5 days NPO? Not I said the rock lobster.
I keep rearranging the too small apartment I have resided in for going on 4 years. No matter how I move the innards of the space around the space stays just as restricting. Last night I had a dream that my boyfriend put up shelving units while I was a sleep, a sweet surprise for me. But then I woke up and there were still no shelving units.
A week ago I lit a grill, and grilled and entire dinner…on my own. It tasted highly of lighter fluid. Still I felt some weird (cavemanesque?) pride at having started a fire and used it to cook with.
I’m realizing at this late date that I’m fully capable of being self efficient. For too long I’ve hid behind others, found my comfort in them, sought my safety in them, nearly required them to take care of me. Why did I have to reach my 30’s to see that I am fully capable of doing these things, and so much more, without someone to hold my hand through it?
Our partners in life (lovers, friends, family) are huge parts of our lives, yes. But we must be very careful what roles we place them into. And somehow we have to balance what we need from them with what they need from us…all while maintaining some positivity and fun. Because what’s life without a little fun, really?
